Dance With My Father

Over the last few years, I've heard the song, Dance With My Father by Luther Vandross, played on the radio only a few times; but whenever I heard it, I would think of my dad. Because of that, I decided to add it to my playlist. Now, each time I hear it, more and more memories of my dad come flooding back, some better than others. If you are listening to my playlist while reading this, please click on that song. It is what inspired this post.

My dad passed away on July 2, 1998. He was on vacation in San Diego with my mom visiting my son Jeff and his family. They all had no idea that an aneurysm was lurking in his brain just waiting to burst. It all happened so quickly. In less than 24 hours he was gone. There was no time for anyone to say goodbye.

A few weeks before Father’s Day 1998 I was in Walmart with Rick. I was looking for a card to send to my dad but Rick thought it was a waste of money (sorry Hallmark). He said for the $4.50 I would spend on a card I could talk to my dad on the phone for 45 minutes. That reasoning sounded good to me. So on Father’s Day, me and Dad talked on the phone for almost an hour. I don’t think I had ever heard him talk so much at one time before that. We talked about his favorite sports teams, what woodworking projects he was working on (he liked to build bird houses) and other stuff I can’t remember now but wish I could. We had a good talk that ended with “I love you Dad” and hearing “I love you too” in return. That was the last time we spoke. If only I had known that, I would have recorded the conversation. Life is filled with “if onlys.”

The earliest memory I have of me and Dad was back in the late 50’s. I’m not sure how old I was, probably about seven. We lived in the Bronx and Dad had to take the bus to work. I was playing outside when I saw him come out of the apartment building we lived in. I asked if I could go to work with him. He gently said no. I persisted and even started crying saying that I wanted to go with him. I followed him all the way to the end of the street all the while asking, “Can I go, please, please, can I go with you?” He continued to tell me he couldn’t take me with him. He worked in a plastics factory on the night shift. Finally, with me standing there crying, and him having to go or he would miss his bus, he handed me a dime and told me to go buy myself some candy. I reluctantly accepted his “bribe” and watched him as he crossed the street and walked out of sight to the bus stop. I did go and buy some candy. It helped erase the sadness of not being able to go with him.

My memories of me and Dad haven't always been good ones.  Like the time he took my brother Michael to Coney Island and I didn’t find out about it until they got home. Of course, I whined and said, “When can I go?” “Someday,” he said. But someday never came. He later told me that Coney Island wasn't a good place for girls. That was no consolation.

And the time Dad took me for a driving lesson. Our driveway has a slope to it. I put the car in reverse and gave it some gas. The car quickly went down the drive and halfway out into the street before I applied the brake. Dad scolded me saying I didn’t need to give it any gas as gravity would take the car down the drive. “Oh,” was all I could say. Flustered, he said, “Okay, let’s go." I stepped on the gas and boy was I surprised when I drove up on the neighbor’s lawn…behind me! You see, I’d forgotten to put the car in drive, it was still in reverse. Really flustered now, Dad told me to put the car in drive and go back up the driveway. Our lesson was over. Dad never did take me for another driving lesson, instead I signed up for Drivers Ed at school.

Or the time he got mad at me for using his razor and not telling him. I wondered how he knew. I cleaned it and everything. He later he told me he knew because I had dulled the blade and he could feel it on his face. LOL.

No matter what I was feeling at the time these memories occurred, I wouldn't trade them for anything now.  They are precious and priceless to me and even put a smile on my face.  Time indeed does heal all wounds.

Other memories I have of me and my dad are:

Dad playing guitar for my birthday while everyone sang the happy birthday song;

being his “partner in crime” as he would break open a bag of candy or cookies in the grocery store for us to “sample” a few and my mom getting so angry with him then trying to find the bag so she could put it in her cart;

going strawberry picking with the family and watching Dad eat one strawberry for every one he put in his box;

Dad buying his one quart bottle of beer to have as he watched his Sunday sports games and me asking for a sip and making a sour face at the taste;

And Dad asking me to dance the mambo (a latin style dance-Dad was Puerto Rican) when I was in my teens. We danced for a few minutes and then he finished the dance with my mom.  That was the one and only time I can remember that we ever danced together.

Dad was the quiet type, never saying too much to us kids; and he only had one speed-slow, which always annoyed my mom.  But I did learn some valuable life lessons from him: 1) Say “I love you” as often as you can, whenever you can to the ones you love; 2) You can’t always get what you want, but maybe you'll get a dime for trying; 3) Make sure you have it in drive; 4) Replace the blade so you won’t get caught; 5) Candy, cookies, and strawberries are yummy but beer is yucky; and 6) Never turn down a dance with someone you love.  You may never get another chance and you won't want to miss the memory.

Monday's Child

Last Sunday was my friend Susan’s birthday. Facebook made it easy for me to send her birthday greetings. Since I had her birth date, I decided to look up what day she was born on. I remembered that poem Monday’s Child that goes like this:

Mondays child is fair of face,
Tuesdays child is full of grace,
Wednesdays child is full of woe,
Thursdays child has far to go,
Fridays child is loving and giving,
Saturdays child works hard for a living,
And the child that is born on the Sabbath day
Is bonny and blithe, and good and gay.

I found out that Susan was born on a Saturday. She does indeed work hard for a living. She works at the high school in Pittsfield, IL as the food services director and is also transportation secretary plus she drives a school bus when needed. I decided to look up my other friends and family to see what day they were born on (yes, I did look up each one individually). If your name isn’t listed here, it’s because you chose not to share your birth year on your Facebook page.

Monday’s child is fair of face – My brothers Rick and Mike were both born on a Monday. Of course I’m gonna say they are both good looking!! It runs in the family, doesn’t it? Some of my good looking friends born on Monday are Ahron, Gail, Kristen, Bridgett and Larry C.

Tuesday’s child is full of grace – Rick and I were both born on a Tuesday. Graceful? I don’t know about that. But I do know we are saved by grace through the blood of Jesus. Crystall, Dale, Jenna, and Rich all share this day.

Wednesday’s child is full of woe – I was not looking forward to seeing who was born on a Wednesday. Webster defines woe as “Deep distress or misery, as from grief; wretchedness. Synonyms are regret, misfortune, calamity.” I wish woe on no one. I discovered my son Jeff was born on a Wednesday. I thought he was going to be born on a Tuesday, but 36 hours of labor pushed him over to the next day. So far I see no woe in his life. Friends Patty, BJ, Fran, Linda Mc, Jerri, Janet, Richard, and Troy are also Wednesday children. Interestingly, out of all of the people I looked up, Wednesday contains the largest group with nine.

Thursday’s child has far to go – I’m not sure how to interpret this. “Far to go” may mean they will travel far in distance or life or maybe they have to go the extra mile beyond everyone else to succeed. I don’t know but Becky, Debbie L, John F, Larry T, Phyllis R, and Rhonda all have “far to go.”

Friday’s child is loving and giving – Dr. Phil was born on a Friday and we all know how giving he is as seen on the Dr. Phil Show. Friends Alice, Blyss, Nancy , Stu, and Tom were also born on a Friday. Everyone loves Fridays!

Saturday’s child works hard for a living – In addition to my friend Susan, Debbie O, Sara, Ed D (not Big Ed), and Phylis H share this day. Nothing wrong with a little hard work.

The child born on the Sabbath day is bonny and blithe and good and gay – Bonny is defined as “pleasing to the eye” and blithe means “carefree.” My best friend Barb was born on a Sunday. I’m not surprised. She is such a beautiful person inside and out. Evan, Rita, and Teresa were also born on Sunday. It was the smallest group with only 4 out of the 42 friends being born on this day. Sunday is the Lord’s day and that makes it a very special day.

After going through this exercise, I have come to the conclusion that the attributes ascribed to children born on each day of the poem apply to us all. I believe we are all fair of face, full of grace, full of woe, have far to go, are loving and giving, work hard for a living and no matter what our birth day, we are bonny and blithe and good and gay.

Things I Hated This Week

Stuff happens…sometimes it’s good and sometimes it’s bad. Here are a few things that happened this past week that I didn’t particularly like.

I hate it when you’re frying bacon and the grease splashes you on the hand or worse in the face. I also hate the mess that frying bacon makes, but cooking it in the microwave is not an option for me. It tastes like cardboard doing it that way. And if you’re going to eat bacon, you might as well get all the flavor out of it you can.

I hate putting on a new roll of toilet paper. ‘Nuff said about that! BTW, in our house we like it OVER. I’ve seen those Cottonelle commercials with their Roll Poll. According to the latest results (yes I looked it up on their website) OVER is ahead at 78% while UNDER is at 22%. Nice to know I’m in the majority. My mom rolls Under to prevent her cats from unrolling an entire roll of tp just for the fun of it. Sorry, just had to throw that in. Maybe that 22% has cats. Hmmmm.

I hate it when the bar of soap in the shower gets so thin you can barely pick it up without breaking it. You have to use your nails to get it unstuck then you get soap under your fingernails. I use liquid body wash but like Oil of Oley for my face.

I hate picking up cat hairballs, or as I call them cat fingers because that’s what they look like. And why can’t my cat’s throw up on the linoleum floor? No they like the carpet. Anybody seen my OxiClean?

I hate it that as soon as a show goes to commercial break Rick will change the channel to another program, but guess what, it’s on commercial break too so we end up watching parts of 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 different commercials. What am I talking about, that’s not just this week, that’s every week!

Speaking of commercials, I hate it that they get so loud, much louder than the program I’m watching. You have to turn down the volume of the commercial then turn it back up for the program. Why do they do that? Do they think we’re deaf? Besides, don’t they realize all the men are switching channels anyway? When are they going to fix that? I hear there’s a bill in Congress to fix that. Is that what Washington thinks is important? If so, we’re in more trouble than we think.

Speaking of Washington, I hate it that they won’t call Glenn Beck and talk to him about the issues he’s been bringing up on his TV show. Is it because he’s right and they think if they don’t say anything he will go away? He won’t. And he went through all that trouble installing a special red phone for them to call him directly. Hello? Washington? Call Glenn Beck please and let’s get all these questions answered.

I hate it when the judges on American Idol make those kids suffer while they hem and haw around then finally tell them they made it (or didn’t) to the next round. What? Are they sadists or something? How cruel is that? Does it make for good TV? Is that why they do it? Not to me it doesn’t. Why don’t they just give them an envelope with either a YES or NO inside and be done with it. No, they have to make it dramatic and drag out the show.

I hate it that the guide on DirecTV doesn’t tell you if a program is a rerun or if it’s new. Is that so hard? I can go on YahooTV and it will show if it’s a rerun, why can’t DirecTV do that? I got all settled in to watch House this week and it was a rerun. Bummer.

I hate it when I’ve just finished reading a good book. After all that time I’ve spent with the characters, it’s like I know them personally. Once I close a book for good, I have to wait a few days, sometimes weeks, before I’ll pick up a new one; that is unless there’s a sequel with the same characters, then I’ll jump right in. I read all 14 books in the Left Behind series, all 7 Harry Potter books and all 7 stories in the Chronicles of Narnia. I love books in a series. I like to read Jeffrey Deavers but only his books which feature the character Lincoln Rhyme. I love a good character.

Lastly, I hated that Rick failed his welding test yesterday. It was for a two month job in North Carolina. I was afraid it would shake his confidence, but I don't think it has. There will be other tests and other opportunities. Plus things seem to be opening up in the construction business and he still has some irons in the fire.

That’s it, I’m done. Whew, there were a lot of things I didn’t like this week. I hope next week is better. I think I’ll take a more positive approach. I read somewhere that every day may not be good, but there’s something good in every day. Now it’s up to me to find the good.

Music To My Ears

“Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul.” Unknown.

Once again, I discovered something new for my blog. At Playlist.com you can create your very own playlist of songs that you like and then link them to your blog page. I’ve picked this group of songs for very specific reasons, which I’ve noted below. You can turn the music off or advance to the next song if you don’t like the one that’s playing. Enjoy my selections!

Bad Day – Daniel Powter. This song will always have fond memories for me as an American Idol fan. It was played as each voted off contestant watched a recap of their journey on Idol. It has such a catchy melody and of course the voted off contestant was indeed having a bad day when it was being played for them. When I heard it was named the biggest one hit wonder of the decade by Billboard Magazine, I just had to add it to my playlist.

Don’t Worry Be Happy – Bobby McFerrin. I first heard this song back in 1988. I was working for DBA Systems in Kissimmee, Florida. The CEO of the company just returned from a vacation to some island. He had heard this song and liked it so much that every day at 4:30 just before quitting time he would play this song over the company’s loudspeaker. I must admit that at first it always put a smile on my face, but after several weeks, we were all sick of listening to it and pleaded for him to stop. He finally did when he realized it was not making us happy any more.

J’En Ai Marre – Alizee. A few months ago, Rick received an email from a friend with a link to a video of this song on YouTube. Alizee is a young, pretty, sexy French woman. I was home when Rick played the song and fell in love with the sound of her voice, the music and the way it sounded in the French language. There is an English version (J’En Ai Marre translated means I’m Fed Up), but I like it in her native language. When I hear it, it makes me want to dance. If I was on American Bandstand (anyone remember that show?), I would give it a 10.

Dance With My Father – Luther Vandross. Whenever I hear this song, I think of my dad. He’s been gone now 12 years and playing this song invokes strong memories of him. It always brings tears to my eyes hearing this song as the memories of him come flooding back to my mind. I miss him a lot.

We Are The World – Various Artists. This is the version they did to raise money for Africa back in 1985. It seems appropriate to add it to my playlist for Haiti. And I like this version better than the one done for Haiti. The song makes me feel good when I hear it, plus it has Michael Jackson singing. And the words are very meaningful. We are the World and the world’s children. We need to take care of one another. If you haven’t already, please consider making a donation to the Haiti relief fund. To donate $10 to the Red Cross, text the word “Haiti” to 90999.

Cawfee Anyone?

I was watching an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond recently (I just love that show and King of Queens too). It was the episode where Ray’s father was participating in a Civil War reenactment. Ray wanted so much for his father to invite him to go along, and in a roundabout way he did. Ray wanted to go as a spectator, but his father got him to participate, only not as a Union soldier, but as a Confederate. It was so funny when Ray (with his thick New York accent) said, “Nobody is going to believe I’m from the south when I open my mouth and start talking.” It’s true, there is something about a New York City accent that is unmistakable; people immediately know where you’re from. For me, it’s like music. Whenever I hear someone speaking with a New York accent, I immediately think of home and family.

I remember in an episode of King of Queens, Karry wants to get a promotion at her job but she thinks her New York accent is holding her back. She decided to take lessons from a friend on how to say COFFEE and not CAWFEE. It was so funny watching her as she practiced until she finally mastered the correct pronunciation. My sister-in-law Debbie says CAWFEE and I just love it! My brother Rick and my niece Sandi also have great New York accents. But not me. I don’t have a New York accent. I guess I’ve been gone from New York too long. Or have I?

Blake, my former boss from Illinois, just loved it when my New York accent would “pop out” unexpectedly. He would get such a kick out of it. He’d say, “What did you say?” hoping I would repeat the word the same way. The word DAWTA instead of DAUGHTER comes to mind. He’d want me to say the word over and over again. He wasn’t making fun of me, he just liked the sound of it. I think he was enamored with the New York accent. One time when he came back from a trip to New York, he told me about a conversation he overheard while riding the bus. He heard one guy named Luigi talking to another guy and Luigi said, “Fa-get-a-bout-it” like only a New Yorker can say. Every day for weeks Blake kept saying that phrase over and over and over again trying to get it just right, in between asking me to say it over and over and over again. That overheard conversation left such an impression on him, he named a stray cat that he adopted Luigi.

I’m living in South Carolina at the moment. The people here have a southern accent, although not a real strong one like they have in Alabama. It’s an ok accent, but nothing can take the place of hearing words like CAWFEE and DAWTA to bring back thoughts of loved ones back home in New York. No one can pronounce words the way New Yorkers can. I imagine to this day, whenever the occasion calls for it, Blake can be heard saying, “fa-get-a-bout-it,” but he will never master the correct pronunciation. You see, only a New Yorker can do that.

School's Out

Rick is coming to the end of his pipe welding classes.  He's been at it since October.  Now begins the hard part of finding a job and putting all that new knowledge to work. I have started emailing his resume to the masses while he searches and chats with people on tradejobsforum.com, a website chat room visited by recruiters, other unemployeds, and people who have information and want to help others find jobs too.  Rick already has one possibility which will entail us going back to Jackson, Georgia and working at the power plant he tried to get on with last September.  We'll see what happens with that.  He has to call back the pipe superintendent on Monday.  Please pray for him.

I'm so ready for this part of our life (the unemployed part) to be over.  I am ready for a fresh start.  The construction business is so crazy...one day you're in and the next day you're out.  Hmmm, that sounds familiar, oh well, what I mean is that all it takes is a crossed eyed look at someone and you can be out the door looking for a job again (well maybe not that easy but close).  I think if we had known this at the start, maybe Rick would have decided on another career.  But, and there is always a but, Rick has so much invested in welding, education and equipment wise, that we can't give up on it now.  Besides, he really likes welding and I have signed on as his wife to support him in anything he decides to do.

So please wish us well as we begin this phase of calling, faxing, emailing, chat posting and doing whatever else it takes to find a job and get settled in a town we can call home for a while.  God has surely taken us on a bumpy ride these last ten months.  Although we have never lost faith, we are ready to get out of the truck.

Please Feed My Fish

I did something interesting recently, something that opened up a whole new world for me…I clicked on the “Next Blog” link at the top of my blog page. I discovered other blog pages like mine, filled with others people’s thoughts and experiences. Some were very interesting, some not so much. Lots had to do with family, travel and cooking. What I noticed about many of these blogs was the way they looked…very decorative and creative. These blogs had links to sites that offered free backgrounds, banners, buttons and blinkies...just what my blog needed.   Below is one of the things I found that I've added to my blog page.  You just click inside the tank and the fish will swim and eat the food.  How clever is that?  Give it a try, but watch out, it can get addicting! [This feature has been removed]

I hope you like the new look of my blog page, but if you don't, that's ok.  Who knows, the next time you visit it may look different again.  Like I said, a whole new world has opened up for me and I'm having fun experimenting with all the possibilities.

Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now

Today is our anniversary - Rick and I were married 21 years ago today. It seems so long ago, yet at times it seems like yesterday.

We first met in January, 1988 at Sullivan’s, a country western bar in Orlando, Florida that was known for its very large dance floor. My roommate and I had taken dance classes to learn the two step and some line dances and we were at Sullivan’s practicing what we had learned. The rest of the people who had taken the class were also there. We were all dancing with one another and having a great time. About half way through the night Rick came and asked me to dance. I accepted and while we danced he told me his story: he was in Orlando working construction hanging fiberglass insulation, he was married with two kids who lived in Texas, and he was only here temporarily to earn some much needed money. That one dance was the extent of our interaction with each other until the following April.

In April, I was once again at Sullivan’s when Rick came and asked me to dance. I accepted. I didn’t recognize him at first as someone I had previously danced with so I asked him to tell me about himself. He told me he was in Orlando working construction hanging fiberglass insulation; he was divorced and had two kids who lived in Texas. I said, “Wait a minute. I think I’ve met you before a few months ago and you told me you were married.” He said that he was telling people that because he had a girlfriend back in Texas that he expected to go back to, but circumstances had changed and he decided to stay in Orlando for a while. Hmmm, sounded suspicious to me.

In the next couple of weeks, I saw Rick at Sullivan’s and we danced and talked a lot. He would always ask me, “When are you going to go out with me?” I just kept telling him, “I don’t know.” My roommate, Charlotte, told me, “Just go out with him. It’s not like you have to marry him.” It was the last week of April when he asked me the same question, “When are you going to go out with me?” and I replied, “When are you going to ask me?” So he immediately asked me if I would go out with him on the next Saturday, which was April 30th. I said, “Yes.”  By the way, in 21 years of marriage, he has never failed to recognize the anniversary of our first date.
We went to dinner at The Sizzler. It was pouring down rain. Rick was a gentleman and opened all the doors for me. After dinner, we were supposed to go to the movies to see Good Morning Vietnam, but because of the rain we decided to go back to his apartment and watch TV. We watched the movie Wanted: Dead or Alive with actor Rutger Hauer. That night we had our first kiss and the rest is history. He told me he loved me nine days later and on July 2nd he asked me to marry him. I said yes. The words of my roommate came flooding back and we both laughed about it, and still do today.

I first met Rick’s parents when they drove to Orlando for a visit that summer. It was during that trip that I found out Rick’s mom and dad were married on February 3rd. All I could say was, “Oh wow, that’s the same day my mom and dad were married!” Yes, both our parents were married on the same day but just one year apart, my parents in 1949 and Rick’s parents in 1950. How kismet was that! It had to be fate that brought us together.

We were planning to be married sometime in June 1989; however, we decided that February 3rd would be a more meaningful date. What were the odds of both our parents being married on the same day? We had a small ceremony at our apartment with my brother Mike giving me away and our friends as witnesses. Our reception was at Sullivan’s where we had met. We danced our first dance to the song Groovy Kind of Love by Phil Collins, but OUR song will always be Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now by Jefferson Starship, which we first heard while watching the movie Mannequin. And that holds true for us today, after 21 years, nothing’s gonna stop us now.



Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now

Looking in your eyes I see a paradise.
This world that I found is too good to be true.
Standing here beside you, want so much to give you
this love in my heart that I’m feeling for you.

Let ‘em say we're crazy.
I don't care about that.
Put your hand in my hand, baby, don't ever look back.
Let the world around us just fall apart.
Baby we can make it if we're heart to heart.

And we can build this dream together,
standing strong forever, nothing's gonna stop us now.
And if this world runs out of lovers we'll still have each other.
Nothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us now.

I'm so glad I found you, I'm not gonna lose you,
whatever it takes I will stay here with you.
Take it to the good times, see it through the bad times.
Whatever it takes is what I'm gonna do.

Let ‘em say we're crazy.
What do they know?
Put your arms around me, baby, don't ever let go.
Let the world around us just fall apart.
Baby we can make it if we're heart to heart.

And we can build this dream together,
standing strong forever, nothing's gonna stop us now.
And if this world runs out of lovers we'll still have eachother.
Nothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us….

Oooo, all that I need is you.
All that I ever need.
And all that I want to do is hold you forever, ever and ever

And we can build this dream together,
standing strong forever, nothing's gonna stop us now.
And if this world runs out of lovers we'll still have eachother.
Nothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us.

And we can build this dream together,
standing strong forever, nothing's gonna stop us now.
And if this world runs out of lovers we'll still have eachother.
Nothing's gonna stop us.

And we can build this dream together,
standing strong forever, nothing's gonna stop us now.
And if this world runs out of lovers we'll still have eachother.
Nothing's gonna stop us.