Choices

I started my Spring cleaning this week. 

Aside from the normal cleaning I do each week, once a year I get out the toothbrush and really scrub the place down.  I am not a whirlwind cleaner so it takes me a few weeks to get it all done.  Why so long?  Because I don’t let cleaning get in the way of other things I like to do, such as spending time with Rick, getting on the computer, writing my blog, watching my favorite TV shows, reading my Nook, and occasionally getting out of the RV so I won’t become a hermit.  Besides, cleaning is work and you do remember that I am retired.

My Spring cleaning begins with reorganizing.  Reorganizing can take a lot of time, especially since I have 37 cabinets, 24 drawer, and 7 closets to deal with.  But this is the part of Spring cleaning that I like the best.  It is so satisfying when you’re done and everything is neat and in order again.  It’s also an opportunity to see again some precious things I tucked away for safe keeping.

I started in the bedroom this week (11 cabinets, 11 drawers, 3 closets).  I unloaded every cabinet, drawer and closet (not all at the same time) to see what I had, what I wanted to keep, what I wanted to give away and what I wanted to toss in the trash.  My bed was covered with stuff.  As I went through everything, I came across a few items that made me stop and reminisce.

Tucked away in my office drawer with paper clips, pens, stapler, etc. and underneath everything, I found some cards I had received (from my mom, my son, my sister-in-law Debbie, my friend Barb), our wedding napkin (it says, Our Wedding Day, Pat and Rick, February 3^rd, 1989), a note Rick wrote to me (it starts out, To My True Love…gosh he can be so romantic sometimes), and two quotes that I liked enough to write down on paper.

One quote is by Joseph Epstein and says, “All men and women are born, live, suffer and die; what distinguishes us one from another is our dreams, whether they be dreams about worldly or unworldly things, and what we do to make them come about. We do not choose to be born. We do not choose our parents. We do not choose our historical epoch, the country of our birth, or the immediate circumstances of our upbringing. We do not, most of us, choose to die; nor do we choose the time and conditions of our death. But within this realm of choicelessness, we do choose how we live.”

I really like this.  On the one hand it takes the pressure off because I didn’t have a choice in beginning my life.  But on the other hand it puts the pressure on because now that I am, I must be.  I must choose my own path.  I must create and fulfill my own dreams.  So profound.

Just yesterday I was on Facebook trading comments with a former classmate from Junior High and High School.  We were talking about our days in Junior High School.  We were picking songs from that time that had meaning to us back then.  My choice was, We Gotta Get Out Of This Place, a 1965 song by the Animals. I was just fourteen. 

At fourteen, I wanted to grow up too fast—get through school, drive a car, get a job, get married.  I wanted it all.  However, I didn’t always think things through.  I didn't always make good choices.  I sometimes made bad decisions and sometimes let my peers make decisions for me, and not all of them were good ones.  Looking back today I see where I went off my path.  I didn’t dream big enough.  I didn’t demand more from myself.  I settled for what I thought I could attain on my own power when I should have looked to others for guidance.  Maybe that was me just being fourteen.  I don't know.  There was no manual for me to go by.  Am I sorry?  No.  It was my choice and I believe I’ve had a pretty good life.  Could it have been different?  Yes.  Better?  Who knows.  What I do know is that I am happy where I am and that is all that matters.

The other quote I found in my office drawer says, “From the outside looking in, it’s impossible to understand.  From the inside looking out, it’s impossible to explain.” 

Yep, that’s my life in a nutshell.

 ~ P